Proctor and Gamble

To Whom It May Concern:

I was wondering if your Wow! Fat Substitute Olestra chips are still on the market.

I recently completed a cost-benefit analysis of anal-leakage vs being thin, and I decided that being thin is worth anal-leakage.

‘Although underwear staining and anal leakage do not endanger consumers’ physical health, those phenomena could cause psychological problems, including feelings of embarrassment and insecurity.”
http://www.cspinet.org/olestra/11cons.html

I can assure you that I will have neither psychological problems, nor feelings of embarrassment and insecurity.

Can you please put me in contact with a supplier of your fat-substitute?

Many thanks,

Jeremy David