How do you make people like you?

The first answer that came to mind is “be yourself” but honestly, if someone (like myself) is asking this question, maybe there are some issues that have to be addressed.

Can the concepts of public relations, marketing, and brand management be applied to people instead of organizations? Marketing the Jeremy David brand, per say?

Thanks to the collective consciousness at Wikipedia, according to two American PR professionals Scott M. Cutlips and Allen H. Center, “PR is a planned effort to influence opinion through good character and responsible performance based upon mutual satisfactory two-way communication“.

Public relations involves:

1. Evaluation of public attitudes and opinions.
2. Formulation and implementation of an organization’s procedures and policy regarding communication with its publics.
3. Coordination of communications programs.
4. Developing rapport and good-will through a two way communication process.
5. Fostering a positive relationship between an organization and its publics.

Evaluation of public attitudes and opinions.

Evaluative your current position in your social sphere. Are you needy? Are you arrogant, selfish? Or are you friendly, outgoing and sincere? A thorough search into your attributes is a very useful exercise. Don’t just rely on yourself – ask a friend to help you in this process, and ask them to be genuine and sincere.

Describe who you want to be. Write down everything important to you. Do you want to be someone people can rely on? Nice, conversationalist? Anything and everything you desire.

Discover the discrepancies between who you really are (question 1) and who you want to be (question 2). If you want to be thought of as sincerely nice, but you wrote down you are narcissistic and power hungry, do something about it. It certainly cannot happen over night, and will take a lot of effort, time, and convincing, mistakes, and more effort and time, but it is doable. Strategically think about the changes you want to make in your life. Corporations spend millions of dollars on brand management and public relations, so maybe speaking to a professional psychologist or councilor could be a very valuable investment in yourself.

This all sounds like common sense. And it probably is. But I wouldn’t be here writing this article if it was so easy.

Basically, go out and do what you set out to. If your goal was to be nice, call an old friend and take them out to lunch. Be nice. Talk to people. Do what ever you can to put your desired attributes into practice. Be the person you want to be, and don’t look back.

At the beginning of this article I wrote that being yourself may not be working for you. For example, when I am standing in line at a grocery store and a person beside me starts yelling at the cashier, I certainly do not think to myself “oh whatever, that person is just being himself”. Always think about who you want to me, and make sure you are living and acting as that person would.

Dale Carnegie wrote a book titled How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936. Here are his six steps to make people like you.

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

I found a list outlining the attributes of dynamic personality in The Science of Mind, by Ernest Shurtleff Holmes [1926].

Personality is the result of man’s experience; it is the sum total of all that he has said, done, felt, thought, hoped for and believed in; it is the result of his reactions to the events of life as they come and go. Factors to be considered in the development of personality are heredity, race-suggestion, environment, child training, education, auto-suggestion and, indeed, anything and everything that impinges upon consciousness. Therefore, we are what we are and where we are because of the nature of our accumulated consciousness.

FACTORS NECESSARY FOR A DYNAMIC PERSONALITY

HIGH CHARACTER.–First of all, it should be founded upon the rock of high character, high ideals, and built for Eternity as well as for to-day.

SINCERITY.–Sincerity in every human relationship is essential.

ABILITY.–To be a master of one thing and to daily improve.

ENTHUSIASM.–A keen interest in people and things at home and abroad; it has been called “The Fortune-Teller of Life.” Enthusiasm is compelling and sweeps everything before it.

SERVICE.–Service is the keynote to success and implies constructive work; also, loyalty to your work and to all concerned in it.

WHOLESOMENESS.–A clean-minded man with high ideals is always sought after. The reading of fine books, listening to good music and becoming acquainted with the best in art and literature will soon implant in the mentality a quality of wholesomeness that is most desirable.

SUCCESS.–A consciousness of success must be developed; this can be done by creating clear pictures of success and working toward them daily. Decision and assertion are aids to this end and must not be overlooked.

SELF-CONFIDENCE.–Implies peace and poise and knowing what to do in every situation.

POWER AND STRENGTH.–Are also born of peace and poise.

SENSE OF HUMOR.–This is most necessary to have, as it lightens the burdens of life and makes one’s self and others happy. Without it things seem dull and drear. This has no barb or sting and implies the ability to laugh at one’s own expense.

GOOD MANNERS.–Not servile but courteous.

TACT.–Saying or doing the right thing at the right time.

THOROUGHNESS.–Implies system and the ability to carry things out to a definite conclusion. This quality is essential to success.

CHARM.–Personal charm is that indefinable something which makes every one a friend. It is the result of genuine friendliness, sympathy, kindliness and unselfish interest in others.

MAGNETISM.–The result of an abundant vitality on the physical plane; of intellect and temperament on the mental plane; and of atmosphere or consciousness on the Spiritual plane.

TENDERNESS.–Sympathetic union with people; real compassion.

LOVE.–The Universal Urge to express, the Self-givingness of Spirit.

ORIGINALITY.–Try to create; do not imitate; think for yourself. Read Emerson’s Essay on “Self-Reliance.”

INCENTIVE.–Have wholesome ambitions and definite objectives which are constructive in their nature. Any ambition is wholesome which brings only good results to one’s self and all concerned.

SUITABLE HUMILITY, SIMPLICITY AND GENUINENESS.–These attributes keep one from being over-ambitious and from being too aggressive.

EMOTIONAL CONTROL.–Presupposes poise and self-mastery.

SPIRITUALITY.–Looking for the good in all and having faith, belief, and trust.

HEALTH.–Is a great factor in creating a dynamic, vibrant personality.

VOICE.–A clear, resonant, well-modulated tone at all times.

DRESS.–Clothes reflect one’s idea of “The Eternal fitness of things.” Colors particularly have a peculiarly subtle effect on the wearer and upon those with whom he comes in contact.
source: http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/som/som40.htm

I have faith in the Field of Dreams strategy: “If you build it, he will come.” If you act like and are the kind of person that you want to like you, then those kind of people should naturally be attracted to you – so long as you do not create a reason for them not to be.