Entries from October 2006 ↓

Peter.

Dear Dr. Peter Boxall,

I’ve heard about your upcoming book 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die. And I did some math. If I read 1 book per week it would take about 20 years to read all of them! If I read one per month, it would take over 83!!!!

I was hoping you could narrow down the list a bit. I rarely ever read books, and could realistically manage to read 100 books.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Jeremy David

Susan Sarandon, 60
c/o Sam Cohn
International Creative Management (ICM-NY)
40 W 57th St
New York, NY 10019

Dear Susan Sarandon,

I really like Stair Mastering. Stairmastering? However you spell it. Every day I get up at 7:00, go to the gym, and go. 45 minutes, no hands, level 12. I started at level 10 part way through September.

Totally unrelated to going to the gym, I’m on the University of Victoria’s Student Society, and part of my job is coordinating a radio show. I was hoping you might have some ideas about what kinds of songs I should play. The music has to independent (non-mainstream), and ideally a chart release song. Canadian Content is also preferred.

So yeah, any ideas would greatly be appreciated.

Yours truly,

Jeremy David

To Whom It May Concern:

I wrote you a letter several months ago: I do not think you understood the subtlety. When I said “I’m not going to sue you, nor do I expect any compensation.” I was being diplomatic. Of course I expected compensation. I spent $12 plus tax and tip on a bowl of soup that was empty.

You didn’t even have the decency to respond to my letter.

I am very, very upset and disappointed.

Jeremy David

So yesterday there were 23 unique visitors to my website. I’m pretty sure that 2 of them were me. Whatever, ha ha.

7 of you voted that you would like to have the opportunity to vote on my life. About 33% of my traffic, which is pretty good! Ha ha, and the 1 vote “No!” was my friend and colleague Susan… I watched her do it. I’ve printed off about 100 pages of articles on increasing traffic to my website. Let’s see if it works.

Anyway, on to more important things: Part of my job as Director of Academics is overseeing all of the communications of the society. Under that breadth is the bi-weekly UVSS radio show Propaganda Machine. It’s on every other Friday at 11:00 on CFUV in Victoria. You can listen to it live at cfuv.uvic.ca. Today you can suggest what I talk about on the show, what music to play… and what costume I should wear on Hallowe’en. To give you an idea about the kind of music I like, this weekend I listened to the Pet Show Boy’s “Flamboyant” on an infinite loop all weekend. I know… sad…

Dear Mr. David;

We appreciate feedback from our customers and would like to update you with regard to your suggestion about us making a financial contribution to food banks.

Here at Shaw, we have in fact already participated in some very successful fundraising for food banks, and, as part of this mission, many of our own employees have volunteered their time to assist in these endeavours. We have given tens of thousands of dollars and many tons of food to our 5 area food banks. In the past, we have also partnered with Canada Post for an Island wide food drive on two occasions. This event gave donations to food banks over the entire Island. We were thanked many times over for this generous gift.

In addition, we are serious promoters of the Mustard Seed Food Drive at Christmas time, and give plenty of promotion, at no cost to the food bank, for a wide variety of their other ventures. This includes stories about Hope Farm in the Cowichan Valley, which will assist people to grow their own food, and contribute to food banks. We are also assisting each year with promotions for the Dodd Feed the Homeless Thanksgiving dinner for 600 people. The Christmas Spirit dinner for hundreds of other Victoria area people is another project we have supported for at least four years. Since we are aware of serious issues facing the homeless and the hungry, we have devoted a significant amount of airtime to television stories surrounding these issues on The Daily newsmagazine program shown on Shaw TV. We are proud of our efforts. We think it is important that you are made aware of these Shaw initiatives, which are ongoing.

Now to Turkey television. Everyone has their own idea about entertainment. We know it is impossible to please all the people all the time, however, we had some delighted customers who actually thoroughly enjoyed the uniqueness of the Thanksgiving turkey television idea, and called it “refreshing” and a nice change for the holidays. While we showed something different on television at Thanksgiving, we continue to work on serious issue television practically every day of the year. We also feature celebratory good news stories. You will continue to see a wide variety of programming content on Shaw TV.

We are always interested in hearing opinions from our customers, and with our responses we aim to enlighten every customer, one step at a time. We wish you a pleasant week, and encourage you to enjoy further Shaw TV programming.

Sincerely,
Ms. Daphne Goode,
Program Director,
Shaw TV

Jack Nicholson c/o
Bresler Kelly & Associates
11500 West Olympic Boulevard
Suite 352
Los Angeles, California 90064
USA

Dear Jack,

I was hoping you could provide me with some relationship advice. How does one make another fall in love with them? Is it simply a matter of being a good person, or is there more to it? I don’t know, but I am confident you do.

Sincerely,

Jeremy David

Hey there! My name is Jeremy David, and this is my webpage. I’m a fourth year business student – but very different than the stereotypical suit-toting commerce junkie. Last year I got myself elected to the University of Victoria Students’ Society, so I work full time as the Director of Academics. It’s a paid position, and I really enjoy it. I am also a Student Senator. I guess you could say I’m very passionate about student politics – or that I am narcissistic and power hungry. Either way, I ultimately hope that students benefit in the end. I also think part of me loves the drama that envelops student run organizations and university politics. I get around. Though not in the slutty way.

I have finally come up with an idea that I like for this website. It’s gone through many changes, and this is most likely version 14 or 15. Seriously. My life is very dramatic (although I am sure I bring it all upon myself), and I certainly could make a reality TV show out of it. Or a soap opera. But are people actually going to come here and read about my life? I have no idea. But what if people had the opportunity to influence my life. A choose your own adventure, of sorts – where people give suggestions and vote on what I do. Yes, that is exactly what this website will become. It’s going to take some time to get a user base large enough to make this work, and the way users can physically interact with the site is going to take several evolutions as well. I’m very excited about this idea and hope you participate.

I have some fantastic news. In September or October next year, I am embarking on a year long round-the-world trip. I have the air miles ready, and have been looking forward to this trip for years. You now potentially have the opportunity to live my trip vicariously though me. If this website works, I want every detail of this trip to be influenced by you. I hope to eventually have the infrastructure so I can make decisions in real time. Post a question, and an hour later act on your submissions. My adventure will be your adventure, and I am really excited about it.

There are going to be some rules. At this time, I can only think of two.

1. Unfortunately, as much as I need relationship advice (I’m not being sarcastic) I do not think venturing into that domain would be a good idea – the people I heart and who potentially heart me obviously will be reading this website. “Should I break up with PERSON X and go out with PERSON Y?” Not going to work. Sorry.
2. Only reasonable ideas will be posted on the website and acted upon. If someone suggests that I assault someone, obviously I am not going to do it.

To the hundred or so people who enjoy my To Whom It May Concern letters, have no fear. My bizarre hobby will continue. To the three or four people who read my “Quest for a Six Pack” blog, I am not surprised that people could care less about what I eat everyday and how much I exercise. I’m not going to update it anymore; however, I am still on my 6 month quest for total body perfection. Ha ha ha.

Stephen Harper
Prime Minister of Canada
Office of the Prime Minister
80 Wellington Street
Ottawa, ON
Canada
K1A 0A2

Dear Steve,

I read in the paper today that “Three-meter marijuana bedevils Canadian troops in Afghanistan”. Apparently, Taliban fighters were using the forests of Marijuana as cover.

I’m confused why Canada’s response to Marijuana is burning it. Do you know how much money the Canadian Government could make if they legalized the drug?

First of all, you would instantly save all the money you spend on policing it. Second, you could sell it exclusively at liquor stores. This multi-billion dollar industry could take Canada out of debt. It could improve health care - eduation. Even lead to a reduction in the use of it.

And I thought I should mention that I am not a drug user. I just understand, fisically, that this would add a tremenouds amount of revenues to our contry. Drug users are going to use drugs either way. You might as well capitalize on it, and let the good citizens of Canada (rather than drug lords) embrace in the proceeds.

Sincerely,

Jeremy David

Dear Shaw TV,

I’m writing you this letter in sincere thanks for your generous donation of air time on Thanksgiving, offering your viewers thrilling second-by-second coverage of a turkey roasting in an oven.

For one evening the world’s problems were hiding behind the vial of a bird in full roast. We were not entering World War Three – media was not being taken over by conglomerates. No. The only thing that mattered was a roasting bird.

I applaud you for giving all people an opportunity to feast on a virtual turkey. Impoverished families could cuddle around a television set and pretend they too were enjoying a beautiful dinner as they ate their loaves of bread.

Thank you, sincerely, for your generosity.

May I make a suggestion? I’ll take that as a yes. How about next thanksgiving, in lieu of programming, you make a financial contribution to food banks and help many families enjoy a real turkey dinner of their own.

Hugs,

Jeremy David